(funny...when you are trying to sort out your shits, you get so contemplative and inspired...)

i basically lack wisdom, punto.  been thinking about one hundred and one things i could have done differently.  for one thing, i should be more discreet.  honestly i try to. if this was not in some other country, i would honestly mentioned a lot of things to more people.  but here, i think i really keep other people's outburst to myself.  but for daily conversation, and humor, believe it or not, i think there is still a line to what i could say (might be my imagination...but yes...there is still that limitation.  oh how i miss home, my own friends, and my own language).

i'm soooooooo complicated that even i don't understand myself.  just saw Adele's clip and she said that she usually finds out what she is feeling by her song.  i think i find out how i really feel through my reaction.  the chattier i am, means happy.  good first reaction to something, means i am excited.  i am totally an open book for everyone to read.  quiet is feeling of discomfort and when something is wrong.  i am a total procrastinator, so i usually run away from things, situation, discomfort...all.

i need to really acknowledge some of my first reaction and take it as the true feeling, and work with it.  as a procrastinator, i usually wait and think that i don't know how i feel about somethings. or that i can sort out my feelings later, and time will change how i feel.  but i honestly think that this is a total lie.  some feelings or situation are hard to handle.  but somebody told me that acknowledging your feeling is the first step.

(wow...reading this, ....damaged good i am...*yikes*)